Schwarz fahren

I forgot the best part of the train ride back to Kiel!

I finally got to see Deutsche Bahn Sicherheit in action. That is, train security.

There were these loud drunks in the same train car as me, I think they might have been Polish or Russian. I kept hearing the word "Ruski", so that's pretty much my only clue. Anyway, I put in my headphones even though my iPod was dead, so I could more easily pretend to ignore them. Just before the conductor came through to collect tickets, they moved.

I could still hear them shouting in whichever part of the train they had moved to. Then the security started to show up. See, Schwarz fahren, or riding without a ticket, is a very expensive offense. Most of German transportation operates on an honor system based on fear. They trust you to buy your tickets, and don't always check them. But, randomly, they do. If caught without a ticket on a bus or a subway, it can cost 40 Euro. Trains are a bit different, because on long trips, they will always check. And the punishment is about twice the price of the ticket you should have bought.

The security dudes ambled through the car once, and I didn't give them a second thought. When the drunk Eastern Europeans came back and sat down a few seats behind me, I started to wonder. The ticket lady came back through asking for tickets (which doesn't happen often) and she was obviously a bit harried. She was a nice older woman, a white-haired German grandma type. She stood behind the security dudes, your typical over six-foot, bulky, tough, security types. They asked the drunks for their tickets.

Security: Can I see your ticket, please? (Touches the guy to make sure he's awake/alive)
Drunk: Don't touch me.
Security: Ticket, please.
Drunk: Don't touch me.

This goes on for a while. The drunk doing the most of the speaking has one of the worst stutters I've ever heard. Also, this entire conversation is taking place in German. And the drunk is using the familiar you, not very polite.

Security: Just stay here, we'll talk when we get to the station.
Drunk: You and me. Single fight. You want to fight?
Security: What? No. I'm not going to fight you.
Drunk: You and me.

There are some teenagers in the car as well, who think this is all pretty hilarious. They are carrying several beers each and one of them gave me a wedding congratulations card that he had found on the seat. It was empty.

Anyway, I didn't get to see the drunk fight the much larger security guard, because I was trying to catch a bus back home and it was late at night, but there was a lot of singing of soccer songs along the platform into the Hauptbahnhof. It was a Bundesliga night, after all.